I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
