I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
