capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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