Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
