too bad you live with your parents still
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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