that's an acceptable place to lick
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
