i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
