ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize