he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
