Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just invented taco cereal.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
