i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
