Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
