I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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