there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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