I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize