exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
