no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
