Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
