The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
