On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
