I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
