I'm so fucking centered right now
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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