found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
