How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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