2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
