Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
