I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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