He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
