I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
