I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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