I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
