he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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