Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
