I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
