So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
