You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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