I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
