I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
