hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
