Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
