There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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