Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize