I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
