omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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