I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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