So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
