I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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