summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
