omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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