You just made me feel so damn special
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
