Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
