i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i used baking grease as lip gloss
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
