My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm passing your future prison.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I'm really busy with my period
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