Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
