Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize