I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
