So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
