So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
where are my eyebrows?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
