do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
