i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
