sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
