White coat. Heels.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize