I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
