Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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