when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
