Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize