woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
