why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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