I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
