Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
