My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
