How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
