Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
