tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
