So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
