I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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