i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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