$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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