Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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