is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
