Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
