I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
