a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
