That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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