i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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