I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
