forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
