The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
