He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
