I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
